


shenanigans, ft. Matsukawa and Hanamaki, your local meme team!

by notepas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A lot of sass, Banter, Fluff, M/M, Mindless Fluff, Ramen, Sass, a heck ton of sass, man these tags suck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25828720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notepas/pseuds/notepas
Summary: Iwaizumi’s back was towards Makki as he tiptoed past the restuarant tables, hurrying past the kitchen and into the back, where the restrooms were located. He opened the door to the men’s bathroom, grabbed a chair and wedged it in front of the only occupied bathroom stall. Chuckling under his breath, he exited the bathroom, chuckling under his breath. He yeeted his ass out of the bar, signalling to Mattsun as he slipped out the door.Mattsun blinked, still in his conversation with Iwaizumi, whose back was still towards Makki. Dramatically diving into the bush, Makki waited for Mattsun to finish his part of the plan.*\0/*In which Matsu and Hana try to set up (read: thoroughly embarrass) their captains. They beat up Bush-chan for literally no reason and that's pretty much it.rip Bush-chan 2020-2020
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 76





	shenanigans, ft. Matsukawa and Hanamaki, your local meme team!

“One touch!” Mattsun called out over his shoulder as Kindaichi attempted to score. The ball brushed off his fingers, Oikawa already running into position to be able to set. It was imperative that Oikawa set it just right, as the game was at match point. 24-18, third years.

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa pushed the ball back into the air with that steady confidence of his, tossing the ball to his favourite spiker. Iwaizumi spiked the ball nicely through the gap in the opposing team’s double block, Kunimi and Kyoutani.

“Nice kill!” The four on four match was over, the third years having secured victory with a comfortable seven point lead. Makki hadn’t really been MVP of the game, but he had scored a few points with his spikes and blocks. He’d also gotten some awesome scenes of the game, carved into his memory forever. Like Oikawa watching Iwaizumi spike his toss, totally whipped for the short, buff ace. Simp. Or Iwaizumi watching Oikawa set when he thought everyone was absorbed in the game. Funny, how much people go on in their lives without even stopping to think that a moment of self-indulgence can be remembered by someone else, who you didn’t even notice watching.

“Ossu!!” The four third years high-fived, sweat dripping down their elated faces. Oikawa grinned while loosely grabbing Iwaizumi’s hand, a mindless-looking gesture that definitely had a deeper meaning. Makki didn’t let this slip unnoticed. How could he resist?

“My, my, my, could it be?” Makki raised an eyebrow, side-eyeing Mattsun, knowing he’d catch on.

“The captain-”

“And the vice captain-”

“Gay for each other?” They finished in sync.

“My, my,” Makki said again. “Young love.”

“We’re not even that much younger than you,” Iwaizumi pointed out.

“Tch, such PDA is frowned upon in a school setting, dear lovebirds.” Mattsun drawled. Makki fake-swooned at “lovebirds”.

“The scandalous behavior of two captains, I see. Now that, that would make a good TV series.” Makki grinned suggestively. “Don’t worry, we’ll cut out the…” He coughed. “JUICY BITS.”

Oikawa’s ears were red, flushed. He sputtered out a weak protest. Makki and Mattsun snickered at the sight.

“Just for that, you two can clean up the game without our help.” Oikawa sniffed haughtily, turning on his heel, probably because he couldn’t face the three of them. “And I won’t buy you ramen!”

“Yeah, enjoy your one-on-one ramen date with Iwaizumi!” Mattsun called after his receding captain.

“Oh well, I was really hoping for free dinner tonight.” Makki sighed. “Well shit.”

“We could follow them,” suggested Mattsun. “Make their date special. One of a kind.”

“My thoughts exactly.” Makki agreed. “That may make up for missing the ramen.”

Twenty minutes and one clean gym later, Makki and Mattsun hurried to the nearest ramen bar together.

“I’m thinking they went to the ramen place with the triple pork option,” said Makki, the cool night air wisping through the trees to the side of the sidewalk.

“Yeah, Iwaizumi probably got some sort of tofu as well.”

“He does like his tofu,” Makki admitted. “I still think cream puffs are superior.”

“Cream puffs are godly, I’ll give you that. Now, what's the plan?” Mattsun asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Makki rubbed his hands together. “I’m thinking we lock them in the bathroom together. Speed things up a bit. With a side of privacy.”

Mattsun chuckled evilly. “How will we get them in the bathroom together?”

“We could lock one of them in the bathroom and then the other one will come running after a while, right? Then we can yeet out of the way real quick.” Makki mimed running.

“I think yes.” Mattsun smiled ominously, the way one would smile when they knew the world was ending and they were the cause. Mattsun has a rather nice smile, Makki noted, not that it mattered to him or anything. Just making notes.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa were seated in the cheery restaurant at the back, unfortunately. Being closer to the kitchen complicated their master plan, because a sighting of the perpetrators was more likely. Makki, behind a scratchy bush with Mattsun, began to worry that Oikawa and Iwaizumi would never get up to pee. Maybe they just didn’t pee. Fortunately, after a few minutes, Oikawa got up and left, hopefully for the bathroom.

Without a word, Matsukawa jumped out from behind their bush and threw open the front door of the ramen bar. 

“Iwaizumi!” His words muffled themselves as the door closed behind him. Makki waited a minute or so before peering out from the bush. Mattsun was animatedly talking to Iwaizumi, who still looked slightly confused as to why Mattsun had just materialized in Oikawa’s seat. Makki entered the bar as silently as he could, hoping the chef wouldn’t stop him because who sneaks into a ramen bar, alone, at seven pm on a school night? Nobody, that’s who. 

Iwaizumi’s back was towards Makki as he tiptoed past the restuarant tables, hurrying past the kitchen and into the back, where the restrooms were located. He opened the door to the men’s bathroom, grabbed a chair and wedged it in front of the only occupied bathroom stall. Chuckling under his breath, he exited the bathroom, chuckling under his breath. He yeeted his ass out of the bar, signalling to Mattsun as he slipped out the door. 

Mattsun blinked, still in his conversation with Iwaizumi, whose back was still towards Makki. Dramatically diving into the bush, Makki waited for Mattsun to finish his part of the plan. 

The twigs dug into his skin, hooking onto the cotton of his shirt, scraping his face. In hindsight, it was a stupid idea to leap into someone’s hedge. But Makki would’ve bet that he looked hella cool jumping into the neighbours’ carefully pruned plant. Perhaps twenty dollars. Peering through the gaps in the bush, he could see Mattsun still talking to Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi kept glancing around subtly, as if wondering where a certain boyfriend, oh pardon me,  _ friend _ , had gone. 

Mattsun grinned inside the shop, definitely cracking a joke at Iwaizumi’s behaviour, as Iwaizumi’s neck flushed red and his arms crossed, a defensive stance. Makki snickered. Honestly, Iwaizumi and Oikawa should just get together. It was obvious to everyone, or Hanamaki and Matsukawa at least, that IwaOi was practically canon. But they insisted on “nO mAkKi, MaTTsUn, wE aRe jUsT fREinDS” and “mAkKi, mAtTsUn, sHuT yOur hOrNy mOuThS” and “mAkKi, MaTTsUn, gO fInd aNoThER cOUplE tO hAraSS”. That last one was paraphrased and edited for clarity. 

After a few minutes of waiting, Iwaizumi got out of his seat. He said something to Matsukawa, who nodded, sitting back, hands resting leisurely behind his head. Iwaizumi disappeared from sight, and a second later, Matsukawa hurried after Iwaizumi. Makki saw him slam the bathroom door and push a chair in front of the door. He could see Mattsun struggling to wedge the chair in a good spot, and could practically hear Iwaizumi’s seething rage. Mattsun said something to the door, grinning wildly, and raced out of the ramen bar.

“Makki!” Matsukawa’s face was energetic, flushed from adrenaline. “It has been done.”

Matsukawa looked around, eyes searching for Hanamaki. “Makki?”

Makki, still in the bush, waited for Matsukawa to come over. This was prime attack material. After taking down Iwaizumi and Oikawa, Makki intended to prank Mattsun as well. After all, it’s only fair. 

Mattsun slowly sauntered over to the bush. “Hanamaki?” The back of his knees were towards Hanamaki now. Makki had a genius idea, as if the god of jokes himself had shot him in the head with an arrow of ingenius ideas. Makki lifted his head, chose a knee, and headbutted Matsukawa’s leg, because that’s just the good friend he is.

With a slight  _ oof _ , Mattsun’s knees buckled and he fell backwards. Hanamaki had not accounted for this part. Suddenly it did not seem like such a good idea to headbutt the knees of 187 centimeters of middle blocker. Mattsun stumbled into the bush. His hand reached out to break his fall. Instead, he whacked Makki in the face with his flailing arms.

“Oi! Mattsun!” Makki yelped. His face was being mashed into the dirt. Not that he didn’t appreciate good, pliable fertile soil, but your opinion of something tends to change when your mouth is full of it.

“Serves you right, you backstabbing traitor,” Mattsun responded, rolling off Makki, unfazed. He propped himself up with an elbow. “This is karma coming to get you.” Grabbing a fistful of dirt, he chucked it at Makki playfully. The messy ball hit Makki square in the face.

“You dare ruin my perfect face?” Hanamaki grabbed a section of bush and hurled it at Mattsun, whose triumphant smile was wiped off in a split-second.

“What face? I only see an ass with two eyes.” Mattsun ripped off another piece of bush and whacked Makki with it, the leaves flying everywhere. 

“Take that back, you brainless slug!” Makki fired back. “You’re not exactly Miss America either-” Makki huffed indignantly, grabbing more bush to protect himself.

“I know, I’m Miss Universe.” Mattsun fanned himself haughtily, waving like the queen. “I rule the cosmos with my fair and just reign.”

“Pfft.” Makki snorted. “You don’t rule anything, bro.”

Mattsun looked very insulted. “I ruled our Minecraft server-”

“FIVE YEARS AGO, DUMBASS!!” Makki smacked Mattsun upside the head with a leafy bough. “AND WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE DARK AGES IN THIS HOUSEHOLD.”

“Five years doesn’t change the fact that my house is still way bigger than yours-” 

With a guttural shriek, Makki went at Mattsun, waving the severed bush branches above his head. Mattsun retaliated swiftly, chucking fistfuls of dirt at Hanamaki. He felt some soil fall down the back of his shirt.

“I’m going to destroy you,  _ mATSUKAWA! _ ” Makki screeched, livid. He chased after Mattsun, who was running away and throwing dirt over his shoulder at the same time. “Get back here, you filthy pig!” Makki sprinted after him, fully intending on teaching him a lesson, involving fists and such.

Mattsun rounded the corner, laughing at Makki. “One too many bowls of rice, eh?”

“Shut up and slow down, sonic!” Makki growled.

“Why? Am I too fast for you?” Mattsun mocked, another ball of dirt flying over Makki’s shoulder.

“You impossible, insufferable, antagonistic-” Makki grumbled under his breath, along with a few choice words that can be left to the imagination.

“Ha! You know you love me!” Matsukawa quirked an eyebrow. “We all love me.”

“When have I ever said you weren’t absolute scum?” Makki puffed, only running off of his anger, energy quite depleted already from volleyball.

Matsukawa pretended to think about it. “Well, one time you said you’d rather partner with me than Oikawa…”

“Wha…?” Makki started. He thought Mattsun would’ve forgotten about that. It was the second day of school in their first year, everyone still getting to know one another. The teacher had asked where the four of them wanted to sit after all being ten minutes late. There were four desks left, and Makki had known, as a human, he  _ had  _ to make sure that the fluffy brown-haired boy and the porcupine head ended up together. After observing for a single day, he was thoroughly impressed by the sheer chemistry and amount of mutual mental pining. So he’d insisted that Mattsun and him be desk partners, while Iwaizumi and Oikawa got the desks in front of them.

“Don’t remember? Are we senile as while as stupid now?” Mattsun grinned. 

“Ha, I just don’t remember because it wasn’t important,” Makki smirked back at him, very thankful for the partial darkness to hide the surprise on his face.

“You were kind of ugly back then.” Mattsun gestured to his face. “Bangs, and that weirdass hairline…”

“Oh shut up.” Makki frowned. “You’re not allowed to mock your superiors and betters.”

“No one is superior to my wit.” Mattsun slowed into a jog. The neighbourhood was familiar to Makki now. It was the block that held both of their houses.

“Wit? More like…” Makki searched for the right word. “Exceeding, brutal, neanderthalic stupidity.”

“You dare insult me on my own property?” Mattsun stood on his porch, hands on his hips, a pose worthy of Oikawa.

“Dumbass, it’s your parents’ property.” Makki scowled. He halfheartedly threw his remaining bit of bush at Matsukawa. It failed pathetically, dropping to the ground.

Matsukawa scoffed. “Loser.”

Makki flipped him off. “Stupid loser.”

“Stupid dumbass loser.”

“Idiotic stupid dumbass loser.”

“Ugly idiotic stupid dumbass loser.”

“Bean.”

“Dafuq-” Mattsun replied. “I-”

“Beans are ugly and slow.”

“The current panel is biased, I call for a new judge.” 

“I am the judge.” Makki spread his arms. “Take it or leave it.”

“Leave it,” Matsukawa smirked. “I can get a better one from Walmart.”

“I’m a limited edition, babe.”

“Babe?” Matsukawa raised an eyebrow. “Like beyblades?”

“Yeah, let it rip.” Hanamaki spun in a circle, swinging his arms wildly. 

“I used to love those! I had a whole collection and everything, with special ones and an arena, that was-” Mattsun used his hands to gesture - “the good old days.”

“Why so good?” Makki asked.

“Didn’t know Oikawa.”

“But you didn’t know me and my hilarity-”

“I can live without you, however different it may be for you.”

Makki put a hand to his heart, wounded. “Matsukawa Issei… Whatever gives you that impression?”

Mattsun grinned his signature, full-face grin. “Bec-”

“ISSEI!” Mattsun’s mother leaned out the window, appearing out of nowhere, because it’s inconvenient and that’s when mothers tend to show their faces. When Makki actually wanted to hear what Mattsun was going to say. “Come inside so you can do the dishes! Bring Hanamaki-kun if you want, he can help too.” With that, the window shut with a click.

“And this is where we part ways.” Makki saluted Matsukawa, a two-finger salute. “I have no interest in doing your dishes.”

Mattsun glowered at him. “First you waste my time with your whining and now you won't even do the dishes?”

“Hell yeah,” Makki chirped, skipping across the street to his own house. “See ya!”

“Goodbye, you little shit!” Mattsun waved.

Makki flipped him off, laughing. “Bye.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this used to be longer but now it's not.
> 
> thanks for reading!
> 
> so the problem with this is that i had no plot in mind i just wanted to make an interaction between the characters  
> so now imma go think up a plot real quick  
> 🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️

**Author's Note:**

> hi this used to be longer but now it's not hehe
> 
> imma go think up an actual plot real quick-  
> 🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️
> 
> thanks for reading!


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